walk on

o kadar sarki var, hepsi koyuyo, evet,
ama bir bu:
i saw you yesterday with an old friend
it was the same old same how have you been
since you've been gone my world's been dark and gray
you reminded me of brighter days
picture-

bir de bu:
i want you
i'm afraid i won't know where to stop
i want you
i'm not ashamed to say i cried for you
i want you
i want you
no-one who wants you could want you more
i want you
every night when i go off to bed and when i wake up
i want you
i want you
i'm going to say it again 'til i instill it
i know i'm going to feel this way until you kill it
i want you-

daha bir cok koyuyor.
bunu il yani

letters i've written, never meaning to send.

karsilikli olarak yasayamadiklarimizi baskalariyla yasamaya kalkisiyoruz,

bu yuzden
iste tam bu yuzden
karsi karsiya geldigimizde suskun, bikkin oluyoruz.
ve kicini bana donup gidiyorsun,
ve ben uzuluyorum.

bu kadar basit.

kapanmis bir mevzu.
yanlis anlasilmasin.
canta degistirirken temizlik yapip fis, cop mop atarkene bir kagit buldum.
defterden kopartilmis.
ustunde bir yazi.
tarih ise,

baya once.
yani su gune gore, geride kalmis.

16-10-2010

'I love him so much that it hurts
but why?
I think I do force myself to fall in love.
I wasn't feeling anything that strong before.
and now it just hurts.
if he leaves me.
again.
what will i feel this time?
it will hurt but maybe i can ease the pain.
i know it won't be pain that i will feel, but frusrtation.
i will feel so dumb.
i am makin' the same mistakes over and over again.
i feel so lonely and blue these days.
but i can't help it.
i feel lost event with m y friends.
i just want to cry but i don't have tears anymore.
i love him so much that it hurts.'

'emo' olan kisimlari cikartmadan, hic bir sansur olmadan aktardim .
cok komik,
kadinlarin sezgileri ne kadar guclu.
16ekim daha ortaada bir bok yok,
hissetmisim.

simdi ise her seyi geride birakmaya baslamisim.

hayat garip bazen evet.

love me forever -or not at all

gercekler acidir derler ya.
cok fena koyduklari oluyor hakikaten.

neyse.
bazi seyleri unutmak icin en kolayiymis megersem gerceklerle yuzlesmek.
butun o guzel akla takilan anilar var ya.
onlar bile yok oluyorlar.

bu sefer kisa oldu.

i just came to tell you that i am leaving.

things are going wrong and i don't know why.
i never did.
sometimes it hurts.
like it always did.
i could never find something to ease the pain.
i thought i could learn how to live with it.
but obviously i can't.
there must be a way, i know there is.
i just can't see it now.
it is all because i'm trying to understand.
maybe there is no need to.
instead of, i'd better try to forget immediatly.
'late at night just thinkin' of you, whisin you were here to talk to, now' -JOP

like my friend once said: "the day we won't hear about him..will be the day you found another man"
i just can't find another man when everything reminds me of him.
it is not about a picture or a place.
he is in everything known.
it's my third winter without him.
'tells me that she loves me the girl with golden eyes' -sixx am

it's a bad habbit.
an addiction.
i can see his bad parts.
but it is not about him being a good man or a bad one.
i want him and i don't care if he's a piece of shit.
i don't want to find myself on the streets staring at people just to see his face or expecting him to make an entrance in the place that i am.
'now i'm on my feet again better things are bound to happen all my dues surely must be paid many miles and many tears times were hard but now they're changing you should know that i'm not afraid..i'm ready for love' -bad company

it doesn't go by repeating his name, or writing all of these.
it just doesn't go.
'i just can't let go' -kingdome come

and now it's raining.i wish it go with the rain.
'i was cryin' when i met you now i'm tryin' to forget you' -aerosmith

and i don't know what else to say.
every night when i go to bed' thoughts are haunting me and now i can't remember any of them.

i wish i could tell you all of these.
right.
it's because i've never told you.
it's because i've never let you in.
i could ask you not to leave.
'and i'm thinkin: where has all the love gone? where's the love gone to? don't leave' -faithless

if i knew you were leaving, i would had ask you.
..even if i knew i'd watched you go.
that's what i do.
i watch you love.
i watch you not to love me.
i watch you closing the door.

i am the only fool, the only dumb in that story for sure.
no one does the same mistakes.
i do learn. i do know that i am doing mistakes.
but if he is the mistake. i just don't care.
'i ever wanted to know, never wanted to see, i wasted my time till time wasted me i never wanted to go always wanted to stay cuz the person i am are the parts that i play.' -when the crowds are gone savatage

when the crowds are gone i just sit and weep.
it's the only thing i can do.
it doesn't worth it.
but isn't it always like that.
we tear the most for the less important people.
even if i repeat myself everyday:
'just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful' -sixx am

i don't want a beautiful life if he's not a part of it.

'ain't gone and give up on love' -SRV

til i find a way out, i'll keep ask why and i'll keep try.
either way it is going to hurt.
so i'd better not quit.
i would do anything to get better.
even to get lost in the crowd til someone finds me,
to get wasted til i don't feel him.

-09122010-

solitaire

o garip doneme geldik.

aslen unutup atlatmissinidir ama sadece ara da bir bazi anilar gelir gozunun onune,
sadece bazi zamanlarda bazi mekanlarda kucuk cagrisimlar.
ve o zaman aslinda hala kopamadigini anlarsin.

iste o donem.
ne aglayabildigin ne de unutup gulebildigin donem.

ne suresi belli.
ne acisi aci.
sacman sapan.

like the deserts miss the rain.

i miss you.
i still can't stand it.
that you're gone without giving me any reasons.
that you can't see you're gone.
that you're so blind that you're not aware i'm not by your side anymore.

i still can't stand it.
that is only in my mind.
that i am dramatizing.

i can't stand myself.
still i can not speak.
i can not share my feelings.
and i just watch them go by.
than it just hurts for awhile.
it hurts really really bad in the beginning.
that the pain fades away also.
and than it is just visions.